Perception of Life in Ministry
My life does encompass drastic contrast of the things I enjoy. Transparently; I feel no need to explain myself, however, I feel God tugging at my heart to share how I am walking through a life of ministry while still being human.
God knows my heart. He knows me. He gets me.
To be real, I argue with God. A lot.
It’s not all flowers and daisies.
Ministry- well, it’s just a lot.
It’s challenging + it’s hard.
Yes, the reward of honoring our Father is beyond measure, but being a human is also a real thing. When it’s hard, it’s hard - despite any selflessness we try to fully embrace.
God knows that I’m not perfect. He knows I’m stubborn, i’m raw, + sometimes a little too real.
I’m not better than any of His other children.
I simply made up my mind that I was going to be available.
I kept a hunger for more + a constant restless for something that God would give my life purpose for.
Anything, really. Just something!
I always found myself listening, waiting, praying, believing, and even sometimes avoiding His calling. Yet, when it came down to it,
I intentionally was always available.
If I wasn’t, He brought me to my knees with no choice, but to be available.
I spent a lot of time waiting. Telling God to hurry up. Getting annoyed because He wasn’t just sending me this clear sign. I needed Him to show up on my time.
I had all these ideas of things “I” needed to accomplish.
“I” thought I was going to be this big awesome warrior + didn’t know why God wasn’t allowing me to be.
We all have those thoughts, right?
God said, “Sit down. Be humble.
You, Amanda, have nothing to accomplish.
I (God) have all the things to accomplish; so are you going to continue to make this about yourself... or are you going to start making this about me again?
Yeah, God kind of mic dropped on me, hard.
So, fast forward...
Through the whole rebel without a cause phase, to the rebel with every cause phase, into the I’m going to be a hipster phase, then the no like you took the hipster phase a little to seriously phase, and of course the anti-everything phase.
Now, I’m at the point of understanding,
‘Ok God. I am nothing without you. It’s all for you. I’m just the tool that’s willing to hear the calling + be available for you to use’. My purpose on earth is not for glorifying myself, but intentionally glorifying God.
I said, "Yes, God. Send me. Whatever it takes. I’m yours. Use me for your kingdom. I’m here for You, not me. I’ll try not to talk back too much. I just want to worship + honor you in whatever your will for my life is”.