Perception of Life in Ministry

My life does encompass drastic contrast of the things I enjoy. Transparently; I feel no need to explain myself, however, I feel God tugging at my heart to share how I am walking through a life of ministry while still being human.

God knows my heart. He knows me. He gets me.

To be real, I argue with God. A lot.

It’s not all flowers and daisies.

Ministry- well, it’s just a lot.

It’s challenging + it’s hard.

Yes, the reward of honoring our Father is beyond measure, but being a human is also a real thing. When it’s hard, it’s hard - despite any selflessness we try to fully embrace. 

God knows that I’m not perfect. He knows I’m stubborn, i’m raw, + sometimes a little too real.

I’m not better than any of His other children.

I simply made up my mind that I was going to be available. 

I kept a hunger for more + a constant restless for something that God would give my life purpose for.

Anything, really. Just something!

I always found myself listening, waiting, praying, believing, and even sometimes avoiding His calling. Yet, when it came down to it,

I intentionally was always available.

If I wasn’t, He brought me to my knees with no choice, but to be available. 

I spent a lot of time waiting. Telling God to hurry up. Getting annoyed because He wasn’t just sending me this clear sign. I needed Him to show up on my time.

I had all these ideas of things “I” needed to accomplish. 

“I” thought I was going to be this big awesome warrior + didn’t know why God wasn’t allowing me to be.

We all have those thoughts, right?

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God said, “Sit down. Be humble.

You, Amanda, have nothing to accomplish.

I (God) have all the things to accomplish; so are you going to continue to make this about yourself... or are you going to start making this about me again?

Yeah, God kind of mic dropped on me, hard.