2018 - A Dark Year

Updated: May 23, 2019









Life is crazy. People are crazy. We are all a little crazy... However, I never imagined that my life would ever have the level of crazy 2018 brought with it...












It is no secret, 2018 has been the darkest year of my life. To start, right before the new year my grandfather (and only father figure I have ever known) unexpectedly passed away. Three days after his passing my ex fiancee left me at the airport after calling off our wedding that was less than two months away. Then, I sat in a chair while being held down and tortured for three hours during a botched oral surgery. Which then sent my body into shock causing my organs to almost shut down; all to wake up in a third world hospital emergency room (I still have scars on my face from malpractice). Next, I Developed a thyroid condition that challenged my vary existence while fighting to stay above 100lbs (i'm 5'6). Immediately after, the civil unrest crisis in Nicaragua exploded. Children were plowed over and burned alive, which left the world screaming #SOSNicaragua. And my personal favorite, being labeled a terrorist in Nicaragua for speaking up for what is right and calling for the immediate stop of genocide, this preventing me from returning to Nicaragua, and almost having to shut down World Missions Outreach because of the ongoing civil crisis.


I battled crippling anxiety and lost any interest of doing the things I once loved. I think anyone who knows me or is still reading this can imagine the level of darkness and hell that 2018 brought for me and many others.


Through the darkness, I have remained focused on healing, putting the pieces back together, regaining my confidence and sanity, working on becoming a better me, launching my boutique's own platform, creating World Missions Outreach and Feed the 5000 Merch line, launched the i(am)Collection, created the Feed 5000 Jewelry line, reignited my passion and purpose for living, became a Climate Reality leader, was named The Global Beauty Awards "Best Non-profit of the Year", Art & Beauty Magazine's "Humanitarian of the Year", Spectrum Networks "Everyday Hero", and awarded the title of Ms Eco International and most importantly we Saved WMO!



This bringing me to my "One Word" for 2019 LIGHT

2018 may have been the year of darkness,

but 2019 will be the year that the Light overcomes the darkness.








It's a dark world, be the Light...

...by being in sync with God who provides the light that shines through us and is within each of us.

No matter what 2019 brings, adversity or not, I will not allow the darkness of the world to overpower the light that is with in me. I will not allow the darkness to take my joy, happiness, contentment, worth, value, and confidence. I will not allow my path of peace to be altered by the savage nature of darkness. My light can not be stopped, can not be dimmed, and will not be blown out. This year has taught me that I am a warrior, and that I can and will always get back up after every blow.



This year has taught me so much about myself. I could quote some kind of beauty to ashes line, but I will save the cliche and simply say this...


Although 2018 has been painful, I am thankful for the wisdom, growth, maturity, and humbleness it has brought me. Those lessons I will take with me forever. Wherever life takes me, I will use them as reminders to always be thankful for how far I have come out of the darkness I almost lost myself in.



I learned that everything I need is already within me. Everything you need is already inside of you! You don't need 'things' or 'people' to make you happy. Yes, those things may provide you moments of 'feeling' happiness; but you will never truly be content or over your restlessness of trying to make 'happy' a thing, until you stop looking for contentment in people or things.



The only way you will find the happiness you are looking for is by truly learning how to love yourself. Love you, for you! Find the light that is inside you and commit to overpowering the darkness that keeps your happiness for ransom.


You are worthy and you are worth it!


To celebrate the New Year, I have created some reminders for you to download and save to help you remember that you have the light within you that the world desperately needs to escape the darkness.


Leave a comment below and share what your word for 2019 is!


Happy New Years friends!

Cheers to 2019!

-Amanda








© 2018 by Passport Confessional | Charlotte, NC United Stateside Base 

@PassportConfessional |  @AmandaRSowards  |  Amanda@PassportConfessional.com 

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